Hey! I know it has been awhile since I last posted. Honestly, I know no one reads this so I just use it to vent. It’s funny. I have been so busy trying to finish one degree after another, trying to keep up with my timeline, you know, the unreasonable expectations that we tend to place on ourselves. You know the list, do not act like I am the only one who did (and still does) it. THE LIST!!!!
- Get through 5th Grade
- Try to get Montez to kiss you on the playground (he didn’t)
- Develop boobs before school starts in 9th grade (they didn’t)
- Marry Michael
- Try out for the girls basketball team so Michael will notice me (he didn’t)
- Get Cedrick to ask you out for Prom (he did)
- Marry Cedrick
- Hope that you fall in love in High School and have an epic romance (that didn’t happen)
Don’t think like that! Things will get better. Life will get back to normal.
- Get into an awesome college (IT HAPPENDED)
- Find your epic love
- Make awesome friends that last a lifetime in college (nope that didn’t happen)
- Keep in contact with besties from High School (nope, people move on)
- Get married by the age of 25
These thoughts are distracting you. You are worthy. You are better. You are worth it!
- Graduate on time from College (didn’t happen)
Okay, it was definitely time for a new list. While life was busy kicking my ass, the devil had a ball with my life. Sometimes we are harder on ourselves than we need to be. We think we are at rock bottom, when actually we are doing okay. Okay New List!
- Work a while to get a car then go back to college and complete your degree (did that!)
- Where is your epic love story???
- Pledge a Sorority (HA- I still laugh at that one)
Please don’t do it. Think about your Nephew. He’s only a few months old. He loves you.
- Make friends that will last a lifetime (I came out with two that I still talk to- I’m doing good).
- Get married by
- Get involved on campus (you are too old for this. Just graduate—PLEASE)
No! Stop it! He doesn’t love you and sleeping with him will not change that!
- Find and fall in love with your college sweetheart (he cheated-End OF Story)
I told you he didn’t love you.
- Focus on school (so focused)
Seriously!!!!! STOP IT! You are going to make a bigger mess out of your life.
- Fall in love with Jared (I did-we did)
- Graduate college (I did-BUT I was so far behind schedule that I didn’t invite anyone- no family- no celebration- felt like a failure)
Don’t do it! Life will get better, you’ll see.
- Get an awesome job that has a nice salary! (still waiting on that part)
- Get Jared back (not a chance)
Move on and moved back home. Okay, get your shit together. This time my list will work. I will get everything I deserve.
- Avoid falling in love again (It didn’t work- heartbroken for the 3rd time now)
- Continue looking for a job
Please don’t. We have been here so many times. Don’t give up now.
- Enroll in Graduate school (did it)
Stop falling for the same guy over and over (definition of insanity – doing the same things, but expecting different results)
- Complete Graduate School (MS on deck)
Seriously, stop letting him in your life – Stay away from those Games and places you know he will be – STOP IT!!
- Quit that job you hate (deuces)
PRAY!!! Things are bound to get better. Let’s start over again.
- Get a certification (check)
- Focus on yourself for a change
- Take a trip (oookkkaay)
Stay away from Jared – He’s moved on! So should you!
- Move out of your mom’s house (check)
Don’t you dare? I said stay away!!!
- Enroll in that PhD Program (did and it’s kicking my ass)
Just keep focusing on you. Pray and keep God first in all that you do!
- Get married before you are 35
- Have kids
The point is, we can start over as many times as we like. Do not place a timeline on yourself, it only makes it harder. Just go with the flow. Some of my own advice I need to take. Life is a BITCH, but you have to stay the course. I will be 35 in two week and I am still single. No potential husband. No kids. My job is okay, but it is nowhere near what I want it to be and my salary can’t feed a family, but I am still here. God has seen it fit for me to be here, so I am going to make the most of it. I have no idea what my calling is but when God is ready, I will be waiting.
Don’t give up now.