Our List! Do they help us or hurt us?

Hey! I know it has been awhile since I last posted. Honestly, I know no one reads this so I just use it to vent. It’s funny. I have been so busy trying to finish one degree after another, trying to keep up with my timeline, you know, the unreasonable expectations that we tend to place on ourselves. You know the list, do not act like I am the only one who did (and still does) it. THE LIST!!!!

  1. Get through 5th Grade
  2. Try to get Montez to kiss you on the playground (he didn’t)
  3. Develop boobs before school starts in 9th grade (they didn’t)
  4. Marry Michael
  5. Try out for the girls basketball team so Michael will notice me (he didn’t)
  6. Get Cedrick to ask you out for Prom (he did)
  7. Marry Cedrick
  8. Hope that you fall in love in High School and have an epic romance (that didn’t happen)

Don’t think like that! Things will get better. Life will get back to normal.

  1. Get into an awesome college (IT HAPPENDED)
  2. Find your epic love
  3. Make awesome friends that last a lifetime in college (nope that didn’t happen)
  4. Keep in contact with besties from High School (nope, people move on)
  5. Get married by the age of 25

These thoughts are distracting you. You are worthy. You are better. You are worth it!

  1. Graduate on time from College (didn’t happen)

Okay, it was definitely time for a new list. While life was busy kicking my ass, the devil had a ball with my life. Sometimes we are harder on ourselves than we need to be. We think we are at rock bottom, when actually we are doing okay. Okay New List!

  1. Work a while to get a car then go back to college and complete your degree (did that!)
  2. Where is your epic love story???
  3. Pledge a Sorority (HA- I still laugh at that one)

Please don’t do it. Think about your Nephew. He’s only a few months old. He loves you.

  1. Make friends that will last a lifetime (I came out with two that I still talk to- I’m doing good).
  2. Get married by
  3. Get involved on campus (you are too old for this. Just graduate—PLEASE)

No! Stop it! He doesn’t love you and sleeping with him will not change that!

  1. Find and fall in love with your college sweetheart (he cheated-End OF Story)

I told you he didn’t love you.

  1. Focus on school (so focused)

Seriously!!!!! STOP IT! You are going to make a bigger mess out of your life.

  1. Fall in love with Jared (I did-we did)
  2. Graduate college (I did-BUT I was so far behind schedule that I didn’t invite anyone- no family- no celebration- felt like a failure)

Don’t do it! Life will get better, you’ll see.

  1. Get an awesome job that has a nice salary! (still waiting on that part)
  2. Get Jared back (not a chance)

Move on and moved back home. Okay, get your shit together. This time my list will work. I will get everything I deserve.

  1. Avoid falling in love again (It didn’t work- heartbroken for the 3rd time now)
  2. Continue looking for a job

Please don’t. We have been here so many times. Don’t give up now.

  1. Enroll in Graduate school (did it)

Stop falling for the same guy over and over (definition of insanity – doing the same things, but expecting different results)

  1. Complete Graduate School (MS on deck)

Seriously, stop letting him in your life – Stay away from those Games and places you know he will be – STOP IT!!

  1. Quit that job you hate (deuces)

PRAY!!! Things are bound to get better. Let’s start over again.

  1. Get a certification (check)
  2. Focus on yourself for a change
  3. Take a trip (oookkkaay)

Stay away from Jared – He’s moved on! So should you!

  1. Move out of your mom’s house (check)

Don’t you dare? I said stay away!!!

  1. Enroll in that PhD Program (did and it’s kicking my ass)

Just keep focusing on you. Pray and keep God first in all that you do!

  1. Get married before you are 35
  2. Have kids

The point is, we can start over as many times as we like. Do not place a timeline on yourself, it only makes it harder. Just go with the flow. Some of my own advice I need to take. Life is a BITCH, but you have to stay the course. I will be 35 in two week and I am still single. No potential husband. No kids. My job is okay, but it is nowhere near what I want it to be and my salary can’t feed a family, but I am still here. God has seen it fit for me to be here, so I am going to make the most of it. I have no idea what my calling is but when God is ready, I will be waiting.

Don’t give up now.



Men….What Do They Want?

So, I know that it has been a few months since my last post. Honestly, I have been trying to figure some things out in my life. I met this guy, IKR, same song different lyrics. Anyway, we starting communicating and he discovered that I have been single for some time now, a half a decade as he says. He seem to be turned off by this and his question to me was if I even had time for him, or knew how to be with someone other than myself. What type of question is that!!!?????????? I had to pause, because I knew what he was trying to communicate, but I did not like what he was insinuating. The fact that I am old enough to know what I want and what I do not want, and wise enough to know when someone does not deserve my time does not make me a monk.. Right???????

So my question was, What do you want from me? Men say that they cannot turn a hoe into a housewife. They say they want a woman with morals, values, and goals. They say they want an educated woman, BUT when a woman with these characteristics come into their lives, they are afraid, scared, punk out, and they turn and run.  WHY?

You question my motives for choosing to be in a relationship at this point in my life because you think that this is some sort of check list for me, when the fact is I was preparing myself for the HUSBAND that God has prepared for me, NOT running around sleeping with every Tom, DICK, and Harry that approaches me. Instead of admiring me for my journey, you criticize me for not sharing my life with the person that was not meant for me and giving my body away to others that were NOT meant to be my husband. So again I ask, “What do you want?”



In the Valley

I hate the question, “why are you single.” Don’t you think if I knew the answer I wouldn’t be single. Sometimes when we are in the valley, we look to someone else to help us see our way out. In reality, we should seek God’s help to give us strength to see our own way out of the valley.

I use to always think, “If I just had a man, If I just had that job, or If I just obtain that degree” things would be different –  My life would be different. In reality it’s not – it won’t be different. No human man can change the outcome of your life. You will not be happy with that job along. That degree will not get you where you want to go without effort.

I can say that now, but a few months ago I couldn’t. I had to come to terms with my life, where I was, and still am, and make a plan to get me to where I want to go. I had to stop making excuses for myself and blameing all of my problems on others. See, sometimes it is in the valley where you truely find yourself. You see, that guy that I thought I needed –  I didn’t- God said NO because just a week from spending the entire weekend with me and two days after my birthday, he married someone else, without so much as a blink of an eye. THAT JOB! I still think I need it, but only if God says yes. That degree– YEP I earned it, but I still have to work for it, so that it can work for me.

When you are in the valley, don’t give up. Keep pushin, Keep fighting. You may find that you are stronger than you thought you were. I did! I’m still doing it. I’ve learned to not give up on me. No matter what curve balls life throw, or how hard, I will keep pressing. I’ve learned to not depend on others to secure your happiness, secure your own. Black women deal with so much an most of life’s pressures, we deal with them alone, but in that pain is were we find stength. In that pain is were we build.

In my valley, I had to back away from certain people. Call me funny acting IDGAF. I have to look out for me. 2018 I plan to be drama free, and free from any unnecessary negativity. Life is alreay hard enough.








Obstacles & Hurdles


We all have obstacles and hurdles in our lives that we must face at one time or another. Whether your obstacle is the death of a close relative, an addition, financial, or maybe the universe has not aligned itself in your life yet.

Now, you may say that both words mean the same, but you would be wrong. An obstacle is something that BLOCKS you from completing your task at hand, while a hurdle has to be is a BARRIER that has to be PASSED. You pass a hurdle and keep moving. The hurdle is not there to stop you, but simply test you, test your strength.  Think about a track runner. When they see the hurdle in sight, they muster all of their strength to make the jump. Once they jump, they never stop running, they keep moving.

Your obstacles in life block you from what you want to do. With an obstacle, you have to decide if you want to go through it, around it, over it, or under it, but you have to solve the problem prior to moving on. Obstacles are unknowing interruptions.

Sometime an obstacle or hurdle makes it very difficult to move on with life, and I hate people that say “just get over it already.” There is no set time frame for a person to “just get over it” regardless of what it is. I can use myself as an example. I have told you guys over and over that I love hard. Whether it’s in a romantic relationship or a friendship, if I am rocking with you then I am there until the end. Now that end may be brutal, and regardless, it may take me longer to “just get over it.” I dwell on all situations. I pick through them strand by strand in my head, trying to pinpoint where it all went wrong. I try to analyze every conversation, and contact, trying to piece together a puzzle that I do not have all the pieces too.

In life, there will always be obstacles and hurdles, but it is up to us to decide if we chose to let them derail our lives. Take all the time you need to deal and cope with your obstacles and hurdles, but always keep moving.




1: What is your purpose?

Have you ever wondered what is God preparing you for? What’s your purpose? One thing that you may not know about me is that I grew up in the church. I went even when I did not want to go. My grandmother instilled in me great values and I know never to question the Lord, but still it is my personality to question things. I want to know the who’s, what’s, why’s, and why’s of things, of life.

Society has told us that if you are a good person, go to school and get an education, contribute to society and be a contributing citizen, good things will come to you. You can have the American dream. Well………. over $50,000.00 dollars of education later, I still feel like the same 8 year old girl looking up at my father explaining to me how to be a hard worker, and how an education could give me a better life. Into my adult life, I quickly found out that this is not the way of the world.

As I continue on my journey, I found that I need to talk with God prior to deciding, and that is where I have been going wrong. I do without consulting with God. I want what every other woman may want: a nice home, car, a good God fearing husband and family, a career that provides for my family and I that I love, and a stable sane state of mind. I want these things, but is that meant for me? Is it the right time for me? I think so, but is that what God says?




My name is Demetrise, but I go by Dee. I was born, raised, and educated here in Mississippi…. YES… the bible belt. I am 33 years old, single, no kids, no prospects, no real inkling of what or how I want the rest of my life to be or go. So I created this blog for an outlet…. to vent. I know you are wondering, “doesn’t she have friends?” To answer your question, yes I have friends, but then again who really wants to hear you complain or rant about the issues you are having when they are living their lives and enjoying the blessings that God has poured out in their lives.

So…Being from MS, in my shoes is literally a sin. The older individuals in my community are confused on why I do not have kids, why I am not married, and why I do not bring a “boy” to church on Sunday’s. Lord…. one lady told me one Sunday, “ohhhh…. I get it…….You must like girls.” So…. the fact that I don’t have kids, don’t have a husband, don’t bring a guy to church, I must be playing for the other team. REALLY?? Is that how you sum up my life, or the lack there of?

If they only knew the hurt, the heartache, the pain, the disrespect, the feelings of love or lack thereof that I have been through trying to please everyone around me, but not myself. I try to live up to what my parents want for me, what my brother was, and what my family thought I should be. My grandfather and I talk regularly about marriage and the reasons why I am not. He said my standards are too high. We laugh about it, and I know in my heart he just wants me happy, but I still wonder, more often than I should.

Some say go see a therapist. Others say just wait on the Lord. I say live your life like it is your last, and if you happen to find love along the way, enjoy the ride.

I hope you continue with me on my journey. It may get bumpy, there will be storms, but every once in a while the sun will shine and there will be blue sky’s.